One step back, two forward.

The truth behind recovery and becoming a better you, is theres always going to be times you loose yourself. You loose yourself at the most inconvenient times, when everything’s going great but then it’s not.

For a while i’d lost myself, my motivation and who i was. I’d sit in bed all day emotionless, with no motivation to get up and live, figure out who i was or what i wanted to do. When i did finally pluck up the courage to get my life in order and take two steps forward, i took a step back.

I found myself letting myself down, returning to the beginning again and having to start the process all over.

Anxiety is something i’ve struggled with for a long time, i’ve spent many years trying to overcome it. I was angry at myself for allowing anxiety to engulf me but it was my reality, for years i would try to push depression and anxiety to the side, ignoring it. Until i realised it wasn’t something i could hide but something that i needed to defeat.

This week i was taken back, when i found myself not being able to breath. Anxiety had returned me back to the start and i was frustrated at myself for allowing it to happen. I’d taken a step back…

There’s been times when i felt like I was loosing control and couldn’t go on any longer, I’d have panic attacks everyday. I would struggle to walk out the house without having to take a deep breath and tell myself it’s going to be okay. Some days my anxiety would be that bad I couldn’t leave the house, I’d be a jittering mess. I couldn’t have conversations with people as I would get too anxious, shake and tense up.


I knew I needed to help myself and the only way to do that was to work on myself and accept that I have anxiety. Even though I took a step back this week , I now know it’s okay. Recovering from anxiety and depression is not as easy as clicking your fingers and wishing it all away, it’s a long process to self love and understanding.

Anxiety and depression is a part of my life but it is not who I am as a person, it does not and will not define me.

The reality is this is recovery.

Recovery is a long process that will have obstacles along the way, some day you will feel great but some you hit rock bottom. What counts is finding strength and pushing yourself to accept the bad days.

You cant be a better you in a day, it takes time.

Take a moment now to stop and thank yourself for how far you’ve come. You’ve been trying to make changes in your life and all your efforts count.

One thought on “One step back, two forward.

  1. Yes, recovery is an ongoing process, even as we might wish it would be over at some point. Maybe recovery is a misnomer. Maybe we are just discovering ourselves.
    Thanks for following my blog!


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