For now this is goodbye.

Nan, todays the day I’m supposed to say goodbye to you and yet I can’t be there. It still seems surreal that you’re not here and won’t be coming back, I wanted to tell you I was sorry, but I can’t even do that now.

I’m not sure if you would have even remembered me if I was to come and see you because sometimes you forgot, but others you didn’t. I remember the last time I came to see you, It was new years eve and it was my first time seeing you since you went into the care home. You looked so happy, the happiest I’d seen you look since grandad passed away. 

I had a feeling something would happen this year, I just didn’t think I wouldn’t be able to see you, to say one last goodbye. I’m sorry for not seeing you as much as I should have and for not telling you how much I love you. I hope you know I love you and that I’ll always remember you no matter what. When this is all over I’ll say my proper goodbye, but for now…

Goodbye nanny, until we meet again.

I love you. 

My nan was and is always going to be remembered as an incredible woman; she was strong and knew what she wanted from life. Not being able to go see her or say goodbye is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, it feels so unfair. She deserved more and deserved to have everyone who loved her say one final goodbye.

The coronavirus has changed so much and hurt so many families. If you too have lost someone and are unable to say goodbye then I’m truly sorry and my heart goes out to anyone suffering during this time. I’m struggling to find my words today because it all just seems so surreal, but I just want to say to everyone to please stay safe and keep indoors.

Rest easy Nan, I love you.

17 thoughts on “For now this is goodbye.

  1. Oh Kirsty, I’m so, so sorry. It seems hollow to say but it’s true. I don’t know whether I’m more sad or angry for you & your family. Angry at the situation and the fact you can’t say goodbye properly. Angry for your nan that this happened at such a time. The whole coronavirus situation itself seems like one huge nightmare that we can’t wake up from. I can’t imagine losing someone and not being able to say goodbye in person. I think this is a beautiful tribute to her, and I hope that in future, when this situation is over and it’s safe to, that you & your family could say goodbye in your way 🌹
    Sending lots of love.
    Caz xxxx

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    1. Thank you, Caz. It’s such a difficult time for everyone, hopefully soon it will be over so everyone can celebrate and say goodbye to their lost loved ones properly. Hope you’re staying safe, sending love back your way xxx

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