When I lost my mom, I didn’t just lose her but I lost the life I once had. Everything changed, and I was left to pick up the shattered pieces. I’ve realised now that picking up those shattered pieces was only making me forget how beautiful life was before it broke.
I would have my mom back in a heartbeat and allow this part of my life to completely vanish, but I can’t.
For so long, I’ve been stuck in this continuous cycle of pain, and I’ve tried to hold onto every last piece of my mom. Except, I’ve ended up destroying my life in the process. Most of my life I’ve had my mom by my side, helping me overcome obstacles. Now, I’ve had to face this one without her, when all I want is for her to be by my side guiding me like she always has. Losing my mom has proven to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to overcome. But, it’s time for me to move forward, and it’s taken me until now to realise.
I can continue to pick up those shattered pieces for the rest of my life or I can choose to build my own, and look back at those shattered pieces and remember them in all their beauty. I have to move forward and thank my mom for the most amazing eighteen years, and remember it for the beauty it was. Trying to fix something that will never be fixed is only proving to be impossible, and leaving me stuck in a place where I only feel pain, instead of feeling thankful for being given the life I had.
I have to move forward with my life. My life is different now, and it will never be what it was. That’s not to say I won’t feel happiness the way I once did, It just means I need to create my own happiness.
It’s hard to let go when all you want to do is live in the past and be back to where you were. Now I’ve reached a point where I’m only destroying the life I have from endlessly trying to bring back the one I did.
For so long I didn’t want to let go because it meant I’d truly lose my mom. I know she’s gone, and moving on is only going to hurt more, but I know she’s always here and will always have a place in my heart. Her memories will forever surround me and the presence she left will always guide me.
Holding on is only stopping me from moving forward and now It’s time to truly let go and put those shattered pieces down.
Thank you mom for everything you did and continue to do even when you’re not here.
I love you.
You can’t start the next chapter of your life, If you keep re-reading the last one.