This is my last letter…this one’s for the ones who assaulted, bullied me, or ever made me feel like I had no worth.
I’m sure by now you don’t even know who I am or the impact you left on me. Some days you’d tell me I’m “fat” or “stupid” and then others I’d be made to feel worthless.
You took my confidence away from me, even now the impact you had, still stays. I was never the most confident person anyway, but the little confidence I did have you crushed. It’s taken me a long time to rebuild that, and I’m still working each and every day to take back what you took.
To me, It was never bullying it was just my normal. You made me live a life where I thought it was okay to be treated, the way you treated me. Still to this day, I try to reach your idea of perfection and you probably don’t even realise the impact you left.
Because of that, I won’t live by your words anymore and free myself from any hold you still have over me.
Those of you that assaulted me whilst I was going to the fair I’m sure you don’t know who I am too. I’m just that girl you beat up whilst she was having a good time, I’m just another of your many victims.
I pretended to be strong. I kept moving forward with my life, but each time I stepped out of the house I was afraid to run into you or anyone you all knew. I grew more and more anxious, and because of you each time I passed the place where it all started I had panic attacks. Each time I ran into someone who I thought was you, I would be left reliving that very day.
You left a mark on me that took so long to get rid of, I spent years having panic attacks and living in the shadows.
It’s time for me to take back what you took.
The ones who made me feel worthless, you may not even know what you did, but those passing comments you made hurt. Each day you all chipped away at my already broken heart, believing in myself has taken years because I never believed I was good enough.
I stopped being the real me because of each and every single one of you, I played a part in a story I didn’t fit into. Now I’m finally finding my way back to myself again and the last piece of my puzzle is to let go. Let go of all those hurtful words and moments and forgive you.
So, I forgive you all.
I forgive you because I’m happy with the person I’m becoming.
I forgive you because you no longer have a hold over me.
I forgive you because you’ve taken enough from me already and don’t deserve it anymore.
I forgive you for me.
There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ― (Nancy Stephan)