Loneliness, where do I begin? I have to admit that it often consumes me, for a while now especially.
I know it’s something a lot of us feel, ironically we’re not alone, but deep inside there’s that small part of you that can’t help but feel it. It’s sad because no one ever deserves to feel like they’re alone, but its something I know too many of us experience.
We don’t talk about loneliness like we should. So, here I am laying out my loneliness for you all to see.
I look for happiness in other people because I’m not happy, I’m actually pretty scared. For a long time, I’ve held tightly onto something, onto someone I know I shouldn’t. If I accept that they’re not who they were, or who I hoped they’d be then that means letting go of my past life completely and letting go of someone who was meant to be here for me no matter what.
You see the world seems soo much scarier now, I try to play it cool like I have everything in control, but I don’t. I’m okay with the idea of being alone, but it’s when I’m alone my thoughts run wild and I suddenly realise how different my life is.
With all that being said, being alone isn’t always a bad thing, you learn to delve deep and become your own best friend. So many nights I’ve spent wondering what my life will be or why it is what it is, and what my purpose is. Will I become the person I want? Will I be strong enough to push forward and succeed? It’s in those moments I truly learn who I am.
Since my mom passed away, I truly felt what It meant to be alone, I don’t just mean being sat in a room on my own, but in the way I feel. Some days will pass and I’ll feel nothing, and others I’ll feel everything at once. It’s nearly been three years and because of that I find it hard to talk about how I’m feeling, there’s never going to be a day where I wake up and don’t feel lonely without my mom being here, not right now anyway.
I have a way of hiding myself from pain and instead, mask it with the comfort of others. I know that being alone is something I should embrace more, even when it seems scary. From this point forward I’m going to embrace the inner me, and learn to love myself better. It’s time for me to truly learn who I am beneath everything.
Everyone’s journey is different, your journey is yours. If your feeling alone know it’s okay to feel alone sometimes.
It’s okay to be alone sometimes, explore the world within you and you will understand yourself better. Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself.