The future.

Recently I’ve been forced to ask myself one question, where is my life going? A month ago I knew who I was and what I wanted, but unfortunately life doesn’t always go to plan and those plans you make can sometimes come crashing down, at least that’s the truth for me. I’ve hidden myself away, planned myself around others so much that I forgot to focus on myself and what I want in life, truthfully I’ve been hiding away in the shadows just so I don’t have to think about my future.

The future scares me. I’m scared because I don’t know what it holds or what I want from it. My whole life I’ve spent trying to stop myself from drowning in my own sorrows and pain, that the idea of my future is daunting. The prospect of breaking free scares me because that’s never gone well for me. Each and every day I’m haunted by the idea that everything will come crashing down around me once again.

I have a hard time believing I’m enough, not just to others, but for myself because I don’t want to let myself down.

The unknown scares me and the idea that I’m going to have to choose what path to take is only scarier. I don’t know what I want from life. Not knowing which path to take only leaves me burying myself deeper and deeper, Who will I be in a few years from now? Will I be admirable or the same person who lives her life hiding in the shadows in fear of what’s to come next.

I want to be that someone people can look to, I want to be that someone who helps others, but I don’t know what that looks like.

I’m going to start taking the next steps into becoming the person I want to be, I don’t know what steps they’ll be or what person I’ll be, but It’s time.

Change can be scary, but you know whats scarier? Allowing fear to stop you from growing, evolving, and progressing.

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