Happy mothers day.
I wish there was something I could do to bring you back, each mothers day I sit here just praying to see you once more, pondering my thoughts, and reminiscing on all the memories we shared. This one has hit me differently though, not having you here with everything that’s happened this year has been so tough, all I want is to hug you once more and tell you how much I love you. I just hope that wherever you are, you’re happy and proud of me. I know I’ve made some mistakes and I’ve let myself go back to that place I promised I never would, but It all just got too much. I’m sorry for that. Thank you for being the best mom I could ever have wished for and although you’re no longer here, I’ll forever be grateful for the time I’d gotten to spend with you. All the memories we shared will forever be in my heart.
Do you remember when you use to walk me to school as a child? Although I had a love-hate relationship with these walks, I miss them. My little legs could never keep up with yours, you would walk so fast, yet so independently, I always admired that. I remember having to chase after you as you were so far ahead of me, it was like my body would detach itself from my legs as I tried to keep up. Sort of like a game of cat and mouse. I guess I have you to thank for installing your great walking abilities in me. On these walks we would stroll down the alleyway and at the end meet a bridge, Sometimes it would be raining and I’d often wonder what puddle we would meet that day. Would it be big or small? I liked watching you jump over the puddle, you always had this independence, but when you jumped over the puddle your mischievous side would come out and that giggle you would do when something would really chuckle you. It’s these things that I miss about you, just seeing your smile light up the room you were in, seeing the corner of your eyes crinkle ever so slightly when you smiled, and seeing the sparkle in your eyes. I loved hearing your laugh, it was nothing like I’d ever heard before, I miss that so much.
Some of my fondest memories come from Brean. On occasions, dad would leave to go to work whilst we would stay at the caravan, I hold those moments very close to my heart. One memory I remember so vividly is when we both went on a shopping trip to Weston-Super Mare. We took the bus, made our journey there, and on the way back the bus journey was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. The bus was twisting and turning around all the bends of the country lanes and I would look up at you every so often to see you pull faces of dread, but the child-like side of you would come out, the giggle, chuckle you would do when something really tickled you. Once we arrived back at the caravan, I asked if I could cut your hair, and of course, being the mom you were, you let me. I’m not sure why, I had no idea how to cut hair, and deep down we both knew things would probably end badly, but the thing is you didn’t care you just wanted to do what would make me happy, even if that meant butchering your hair. You always had this somewhat pixie look, with red hair or every so often you would go for a purplish look. Some people suit short hair and you were one of them. You always had such a pretty face and always looked younger than you were, having long hair would only hide the beauty that was hidden underneath. I don’t think you ever realised how beautiful you were, with your olive-coloured skin, bright green eyes and brownish-pink blushed cheeks with small little lines at the edges of your eyes, that when you smiled would crease up. You always looked so effortlessly put together. Eventually, I did cut your hair and if I must say so myself I did a pretty good job, although I’m not too sure you would agree. After all, I did drench your hair with water just to get the full effect, and off I went with the scissors snipping away. Pretending like I knew what I was doing, but truthfully I had no idea. I didn’t realise it at the time, but those things you did, you did them for me, so I could be happy. That’s something I will always admire and treasure about you.
Thank you mom for giving me the best eighteen years of my life, thank you for being my inspiration and most of all thank you for being the light in my darkest hours. I love you more than words will ever express and miss you even more.
Happy heavenly mothers day, mom.
I hope you have the best day.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.