Searching for approval, stops now.
I look for approval in others, at least I did for a long time. If someone didn’t like me, I’d torture myself for it, if I didn’t fit into someone’s idea of pretty, smart, or funny I would bring myself down. Even starting this blog was a massive step for me. I never believed I … Continue reading
To everyone who ever made me feel less than I am.
This is my last letter…this one’s for the ones who assaulted, bullied me, or ever made me feel like I had no worth. I’m sure by now you don’t even know who I am or the impact you left on me. Some days you’d tell me I’m “fat” or “stupid” and then others I’d be … Continue reading
To my mom.
I want to be real about everything, life’s tough and this is how I feel. I wish someone had shown me or was real with me. So, for that, I want to be real, share my darkest moments, and take you all on my journey. I want to forgive my mom for leaving. Though it … Continue reading
Making peace with my imperfect self.
One of the biggest things I struggle with is forgiving myself for all the mistakes I’ve made. All the times I took my family for granted and all the times I took my own life for granted. Being happy doesn’t come easy, and holding onto all my past mistakes only makes that end outcome impossible … Continue reading
To the one who left.
The past few years have been tough, we went through so much, but I never expected you to leave me like you have. I imagined things to be different, and maybe I had unrealistic expectations. I thought we could get through this together and move forward as a family, but we didn’t. You’ve left me … Continue reading
It’s time to forgive.
I’m someone who holds onto moments in time where people or things have wronged me, it’s left me dwelling on the past for far too long and now it’s time for me to let go and move forward with my life. In my upcoming posts, I’m going to write letters to anything or anyone, forgiving … Continue reading
Fighting back starts today.
I have to be honest with myself, for a while now I’ve pushed my inner thoughts to the back of my mind when the truth is they don’t stay there, they only torture me. Taking over not just a few seconds out of each day but each second of each day… When I walk past … Continue reading
A short thank you…
Two years ago, I woke up to see my life shattered around me, I no longer had anything just the few people who stood by my side. A domino effect struck my life and kept taking away everything that meant something to me until I believed in myself. I felt lost, I quit my job … Continue reading
I’ll be ready one day, but not now.
I want to scream, and I want the world to hear my pain. It’s not fair how could this be real? It’s nearly been three years, and I can’t fathom what my life will be like another three years from now. I have so many questions, but no one to answer them. No one to … Continue reading
Am I Dying?
My chest becomes tight as I feel my airways clasp onto one another. My palms are clammy now. I no longer have control over my body, my mind has taken over. I shake and tremble. I can no longer hold my weight instead, I fall to the floor. My eyes are blurry but I see … Continue reading
Beneath all of this, I’m just human and your actions hurt. They’ve torn me apart for far too long. Why is it you have to judge me? Why tear apart my dreams? I dream big, but it’s all I’ve ever had. Dreaming was my escape from reality. You stopped me from following my heart. And … Continue reading
You were never the enemy, I was.
I have neglected you for so long. Not in just one way, but in many. You keep me here and for that I should be grateful, but why are you so hard to love? From the age of 10, I abandoned you. The words they told us weren’t true. I’m sorry for believing them. I took my pain out on you, you didn’t deserve those scars. No one does. I’ve hated everything about you, and you never turned your back on me. Every pill I swallowed, you fought … Continue reading
What makes you happy.
I like to please everyone; I’ve been like this my whole life. It’s funny because no matter how much you try to please everyone, there’s always someone who doubts you. As of lately, that person seems to be me. Without realising I’ve subconsciously let everyone else’s doubts, control me. You begin to internalise everyone’s side-remarks … Continue reading
Letting go of the life I had.
When I lost my mom, I didn’t just lose her but I lost the life I once had. Everything changed, and I was left to pick up the shattered pieces. I’ve realised now that picking up those shattered pieces was only making me forget how beautiful life was before it broke. I would have my … Continue reading
For now this is goodbye.
Nan, today’s the day I’m supposed to say goodbye to you and yet I can’t be there. It still seems surreal that you’re not here and won’t be coming back, I wanted to tell you I was sorry, but I can’t even do that now. I’m not sure if you would have even remembered me … Continue reading
Why is it we compare ourselves to others? I ask myself this question most days, actually every day. I too have fallen a victim to comparing myself. Sometimes I wish to look like someone else, to have a smaller forehead or have their flat stomach, but it’s not just that I wish for. Some days … Continue reading
Most liked Posts.
In a world that appears to be so perfect.
In a world that appears to be so perfect, It can be hard to fit in. During 2012 this reality sunk in, societal norms took over and these normalities left me feeling imperfect. I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a debilitating disorder that consumed me entirely. It’s scary to see how much hatred someone … Continue reading
One year later…
The day my life changed. November 20th 2017 was the day my life changed. Id prepared myself for this day since my mother’s diagnosis, one day she would no longer be here. She was dying and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. I woke up to the sounds of my phone ringing, … Continue reading