To my mom.

I want to be real about everything, life’s tough and this is how I feel. I wish someone had shown me or was real with me. So, for that, I want to be real, share my darkest moments, and take you all on my journey.

I want to forgive my mom for leaving. Though it sounds strange because she never had any power over what happened, but sometimes all I want is my mom to be back by my side and I get mad, I get mad because she’s not here.

So, here it is.

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Mom,

You were taken far too soon, and I miss you. I miss you so much that you not being here leaves me feeling empty and because of that I hate that you left. I wish none of this ever happened. I know it wasn’t your fault, but sometimes I get so mad at life because you never deserved any of this.

Sometimes when everything gets too much I just want you here, it hurts that I took that for granted. Sometimes it feels like I did something wrong, likes something was out to get me and took the best thing in my life.

You don’t have any control over what happened, but I just want to scream and ask why, why did you go? Why did this happen?

I guess this is a way of me forgiving Cancer.

Mom, it’s time for me to let this stage of my grief go. To forgive everything that happened and just live in our memories together, because I just want to remember the good and not think of the bad, I know you’d want me to move forward too.

There’s no answer to why this happens, to why someone you love so much can just be taken away. I need to accept that I’ll never know “why.”

Mom, I know it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t anyone’s. I forgive you, I forgive life.

You’re always in my heart, and I’ll always think of you, you’ve gone and I accept that now. Your presence always stays with me, and I enjoy you coming to see me every now and then whilst I’m dreaming.

I love you, forever.

Kirsty…

It’s not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.